Wednesday, October 1, 2008
CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with a fire at one end and a fool on the other.
LECTURE: An art of transferring information for the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present
COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power.
DICTIONARY: A place where success comes before work.
CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
CLASSIC: A book, which people praise, but do not read.
SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
YAWN: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
ETC.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their mistakes.
ATOM BOMB: An invention to end all inventions.
PHILOSOPHER: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
OPTIMIST: A person who, while falling from the Eiffel Tower says in midway, "See, I'm not injured yet."
MISER: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
FATHER: A banker provided by nature.
CRIMINAL: A guy no different from the rest ... except that he got caught.
BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
DOCTOR: A person who kills your ills by pills and then kills you with his bills.
It was jazz an ordinary day. The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw! Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie niya. Grabe, andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans niya rin ako, nakipila rin ako.
Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng: “Indaaaaayyyy…”
Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now?
“Dodong!” sigaw ko.
Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be loud and proud.” Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo kami from the crowd.
“kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open? Tanong niya.
“Bihira lang, Dodong. I’m just droppings by. Ethnic and schedule ko eh” sabi ko.
Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong? Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortex. He’s every woman’s dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction Worker siya sa ginagawang bahay sa tapat naming. Nagging kami for a while then after that were not an item anymore.
“Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?” tanong ni Dodong.
Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter.
“What’s your odor sir?” sabi nung waiter kay Dodong.
“Do you have porkshop?” tanong ni Dodong.
“Yes sir” sabi nito. “And you mam?” sabay tingin naman sa akin.
Hmmm…mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I’m cutting down on my carbon kaya pinigilan ko.
“I’ll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh.” Sagot ko.
Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is going too far. Besides, it’s a long, long way to run.
“Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact, I’m happily married” pagmamalaki ko.
“Din a pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn’t expect you still have more feelings than I expected. I don’t want you getting the way. Past if fast. Therefore, cause and defect.” Dagdag ko pa.
Tumahimik siya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di naglaon, nagsalita na rin siya.
“I don’t care less!” sigaw ni Dodong.
Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To think it’s his other woman that caused our separation to part.
Kinabahan na ko. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo. Pero sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita ako ng security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong.
“Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?” sabi ko sa mamang guard.
“Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure.” Sagot niya.
“Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got lost in my eyes.”
“Diretso lang.” sabi niya. “Then turn right anytime with care.”
“Thanks for your corporation.” Sabi ko.
Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na naming nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying static lang pala kaninaang pag disappear niya.
“Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you go, there you are!” pananakot niya.
Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world started falling afar.
Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In the matter of minute, it’s all over. I’m out of arm’s away.
“Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you?” bago pa man ako matapos, sabi niya:
“I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you shout but at first I didn’t give it a thought. Pero nang Makita ko kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then I give it a thought. I know something is a missed.”
From then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn’t even sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga.
Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa ring ang relationship. Lalo pa ngayon, open na kami sa isa’t-isa at walang exhibitions. I feel I’m on cloud.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Dress Code:
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks: 
After your second offense, your picture
will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break: (Love this one)
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
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CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
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WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ......... "HEBREWS"
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THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Friday, August 22, 2008
We’ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same Alma Mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it’s only now that I gave him a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya. And then, he came over with me. He said, “I hope you don’t mine. Can I get your number?” Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn’t give it back? He explained naman na it’s so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if I’m wrong but are you as king me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, “The!”…..Aba! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona Ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried buckles of tears.
Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we’ll go ouch na rin. Now, we’re so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I’m 33 na and I’m running our time. After 2 weeks, he plopped the question, “Will you marriage me?” I’m in a state of shocked. Kasi manta kin mo, when it rains, it’s four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor.
Pero nung inayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nagdi-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, “Well, well, well, look do we have here.” What the! The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I told her, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn’t want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. Ats if! I don’t want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told her, “please, mine your own business!” Who would believe her anyway?
Dahil it’s not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I’m so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He’s so supportive. Sabi niya, “Look at is this way, She’s our of our lives.”
Kaya advise ko sa inyo – take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we’ll just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion.
