Voice Within

(Funny but Strikingly True!)

It is the year 2008 and Noah lives in the PHILIPPINES.

The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark. "

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into tumult.

The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark ?"

"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems. First, I had to get a Mayor's permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes".

I had to hire their "engineering firm" and "redraw" the plans. Then I got into a fight with Municipal Fire Safety Inspector over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and extinguishers.

Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a permit from the municipal planning office.

I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark , because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Monkey-Eating Eagle. I finally convinced the DENR that I needed the wood To save the eagles. However, the DENR won't let me catch any eagles. So, no eagles.

The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the KMU. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark , but still no eagles. When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.

Just when I got the suit dismissed, the DENR again notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact assessment on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the
universe.

Then the DPWH demanded a map of the proposed new flood plan. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the DOLE that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!

The BIR has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the BIR that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft.

The NBI and ISAFP each wanted a piece of the action alleging that the Ark would be used by the Magdalo soldiers to escape. The PNP on the other hand insists that Abu Sayaff might use the Ark to flee to Indonesia .

Malacañang sees the opportunity to use the Ark for GMA's Strong Republic Nautical Highway presidential campaign sorties.

Finally the Senate got the courts to issue a TRO against further construction of the Ark , saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore
unconstitutional.

I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 10 or 16 years!" Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully.

"You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

"No," said the Lord sadly....

"The government is already doing that."

End

It was jazz an ordinary day. The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw! Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie niya. Grabe, andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans niya rin ako, nakipila rin ako.

Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng: “Indaaaaayyyy…”

Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now?

“Dodong!” sigaw ko.

Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be loud and proud.” Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo kami from the crowd.

“kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open? Tanong niya.

“Bihira lang, Dodong. I’m just droppings by. Ethnic and schedule ko eh” sabi ko.

Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong? Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortex. He’s every woman’s dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction Worker siya sa ginagawang bahay sa tapat naming. Nagging kami for a while then after that were not an item anymore.

“Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?” tanong ni Dodong.

Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter.

“What’s your odor sir?” sabi nung waiter kay Dodong.

“Do you have porkshop?” tanong ni Dodong.

“Yes sir” sabi nito. “And you mam?” sabay tingin naman sa akin.

Hmmm…mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I’m cutting down on my carbon kaya pinigilan ko.

“I’ll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh.” Sagot ko.

Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is going too far. Besides, it’s a long, long way to run.

“Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact, I’m happily married” pagmamalaki ko.

“Din a pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn’t expect you still have more feelings than I expected. I don’t want you getting the way. Past if fast. Therefore, cause and defect.” Dagdag ko pa.

Tumahimik siya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di naglaon, nagsalita na rin siya.

“I don’t care less!” sigaw ni Dodong.

Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To think it’s his other woman that caused our separation to part.

Kinabahan na ko. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo. Pero sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita ako ng security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong.

“Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?” sabi ko sa mamang guard.

“Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure.” Sagot niya.

“Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got lost in my eyes.”

“Diretso lang.” sabi niya. “Then turn right anytime with care.”

“Thanks for your corporation.” Sabi ko.

Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na naming nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying static lang pala kaninaang pag disappear niya.

“Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you go, there you are!” pananakot niya.

Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world started falling afar.
Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In the matter of minute, it’s all over. I’m out of arm’s away.

“Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you?” bago pa man ako matapos, sabi niya:

“I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you shout but at first I didn’t give it a thought. Pero nang Makita ko kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then I give it a thought. I know something is a missed.”

From then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn’t even sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga.

Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa ring ang relationship. Lalo pa ngayon, open na kami sa isa’t-isa at walang exhibitions. I feel I’m on cloud.

We’ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same Alma Mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it’s only now that I gave him a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya. And then, he came over with me. He said, “I hope you don’t mine. Can I get your number?” Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn’t give it back? He explained naman na it’s so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if I’m wrong but are you as king me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, “The!”…..Aba! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona Ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried buckles of tears.

Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we’ll go ouch na rin. Now, we’re so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I’m 33 na and I’m running our time. After 2 weeks, he plopped the question, “Will you marriage me?” I’m in a state of shocked. Kasi manta kin mo, when it rains, it’s four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor.

Pero nung inayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nagdi-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, “Well, well, well, look do we have here.” What the! The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I told her, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn’t want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. Ats if! I don’t want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told her, “please, mine your own business!” Who would believe her anyway?

Dahil it’s not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I’m so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He’s so supportive. Sabi niya, “Look at is this way, She’s our of our lives.”

Kaya advise ko sa inyo – take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we’ll just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion.