Voice Within

by: Allison Fabian & Donna Jackson

Instead of simply counting the ways you love him, take the time to put them down on paper. Why?

While the handwritten love letter is a disappearing art in this electronic age – a recent survey conducted by the Parker Pen Company found that the average American last received one 14 years ago – a heartfelt note to your man can “strengthen your bond by creating a sense of connectedness”, says Sandra Whitefield, a Chicago based relationship therapist.

“Mood–lifting endorphins are released when you receive compliments. And, of course, it feels good to give them.” For a make-him-melt message, Whitefield recommends:

OPENING UP Begin with an appreciative statement such as, “I love you so much I need to tell you what’s in my heart.”

SHOWERING HIM WITH PRAISE Write down everything you adore about him. Imagine your partner is sitting in front of you; walk around him, writing down description of what you love about his physical appearance, character, and actions.

BEING TRUE If you aren’t a mushy person, don’t be mushy. Simple language and statements will still get your message across and will seem more genuine.

PRESENTING UNQUALIFIED COMPLIMENTS “I love you when you hug me” shouldn’t be followed by a negative statement such as… “but you do it so often.”

ADDING A PERSONAL TOUCH Include a photo of two of you or a lipstick kiss.

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place.

In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.

After your second offense, your picture
will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break: (Love this one)

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.


The Management