Wednesday, October 1, 2008


DIVORCE: Future tense of marriage

CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with a fire at one end and a fool on the other.

LECTURE: An art of transferring information for the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power.

DICTIONARY: A place where success comes before work.

CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

CLASSIC: A book, which people praise, but do not read.

SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

YAWN: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

ETC.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their mistakes.

ATOM BOMB: An invention to end all inventions.

PHILOSOPHER: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

OPTIMIST: A person who, while falling from the Eiffel Tower says in midway, "See, I'm not injured yet."

MISER: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

FATHER: A banker provided by nature.

CRIMINAL: A guy no different from the rest ... except that he got caught.

BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

DOCTOR: A person who kills your ills by pills and then kills you with his bills.

It was jazz an ordinary day. The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw! Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie niya. Grabe, andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans niya rin ako, nakipila rin ako.

Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng: “Indaaaaayyyy…”

Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now?

“Dodong!” sigaw ko.

Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be loud and proud.” Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo kami from the crowd.

“kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open? Tanong niya.

“Bihira lang, Dodong. I’m just droppings by. Ethnic and schedule ko eh” sabi ko.

Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong? Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortex. He’s every woman’s dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction Worker siya sa ginagawang bahay sa tapat naming. Nagging kami for a while then after that were not an item anymore.

“Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?” tanong ni Dodong.

Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter.

“What’s your odor sir?” sabi nung waiter kay Dodong.

“Do you have porkshop?” tanong ni Dodong.

“Yes sir” sabi nito. “And you mam?” sabay tingin naman sa akin.

Hmmm…mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I’m cutting down on my carbon kaya pinigilan ko.

“I’ll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh.” Sagot ko.

Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is going too far. Besides, it’s a long, long way to run.

“Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact, I’m happily married” pagmamalaki ko.

“Din a pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn’t expect you still have more feelings than I expected. I don’t want you getting the way. Past if fast. Therefore, cause and defect.” Dagdag ko pa.

Tumahimik siya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di naglaon, nagsalita na rin siya.

“I don’t care less!” sigaw ni Dodong.

Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To think it’s his other woman that caused our separation to part.

Kinabahan na ko. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo. Pero sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita ako ng security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong.

“Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?” sabi ko sa mamang guard.

“Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure.” Sagot niya.

“Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got lost in my eyes.”

“Diretso lang.” sabi niya. “Then turn right anytime with care.”

“Thanks for your corporation.” Sabi ko.

Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na naming nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying static lang pala kaninaang pag disappear niya.

“Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you go, there you are!” pananakot niya.

Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world started falling afar.
Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In the matter of minute, it’s all over. I’m out of arm’s away.

“Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you?” bago pa man ako matapos, sabi niya:

“I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you shout but at first I didn’t give it a thought. Pero nang Makita ko kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then I give it a thought. I know something is a missed.”

From then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn’t even sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga.

Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa ring ang relationship. Lalo pa ngayon, open na kami sa isa’t-isa at walang exhibitions. I feel I’m on cloud.

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